I don't even want the webcam, but I read something about juices flowing, and therefore I am most interested. So here we go.

[U]Tonja and the Webcam[/U] (to be sung with a ridiculously high falsetto against really hair-metal-y music)

Tonja had a webcam
which she had won somehow
(we never question Tonja
lest we meet her furrowed brow)
But Tonja had a problem:
this webcam she had won
why, it was Tonja's second
while others still had none!

Tonja tried to give it to the
neighbours on her street
No one took the webcam-
could this be Tonja's defeeeeeeat?????

Ooooooohhhhhhwoahwoahwhoooooo
Tonja, whatchagonnado?

After days of trying
to give the thing away
Tonja tossed it in the trash-
who needs two anyway?

Tonja headed off to bed
to rest her weary miiiiiiiiiyyyyyiiiiiiind
when she awoke, the webcam
photographed her nude behiiiiiiiinnnnnd!!!!!!

*guitar solo*

Ooooooooooohhhhhhwoahwoahwhooooo
Tonja, whatchagonnado?

Tonja held a contest
to get rid of the thing (oh yeah!)
And she pawned it off on some poor sap
(named rockonn or 6strngs)
And now Tonja is happy
she has but one regret:
that picture of her naked ass
still floats around the 'net!

Ooooooooooohhhhhwoahwoahwhooooo
Tonja, whatchagonnado?

*repeat chorus and fade over killer guitar outro*